Are you with a possessive partner? Or maybe you are not sure if the attitude your partner is exhibiting is a sign of obsession. Let’s take a look at this true life story.
Kenneth’s experience with Frances
Kenneth inserted his two abandoned SIM cards in his sister’s other phone. He scrolled through the contacts in the newly inserted SIM cards and came across many old colleagues, neighbors and friends.
One of these contacts is sister Frances as he called her. He discovered he still had some airtime in one of the SIM cards and decided to call her.
Someone picked the call, said hello and went mute. After few seconds of not hearing anything from the other end, he discontinued the call.
Very early the next morning, before the break of the day, there was a call from Sister Frances’s number.
Kenneth picked it only for it to be a male voice. He immediately assumed it would be Frances’ husband.
This will shock you
The man first denied that the owner of the line goes by the name Frances. Kenneth however went ahead to explain how close his mum has been to sister Frances’s mum. He narrated how they had stalls beside each other for years.
He took Frances’ husband to memory lane and even gave out names of Sister Frances’s siblings.
Sister Frances was indeed Kenneth family friend for years. It was then the man opened up. He admitted being Frances’s husband and that he is a military man (LOL). He however added that he doesn’t appreciate anyone calling his wife anyhow.
Frances’ husband said something interesting, he doesn’t like dealing with Clergymen to avoid trouble a boomerang. Now, Kenneth is a clergyman, he introduced himself as such at the beginning of the conversation.
It would have been a big deal that Kenneth called Frances at all if not that he is a clergyman. From the call the man sounded like a watch dog over his wife. He doesn’t want her speaking to anyone on phone without his knowledge.
Here is how to recognize a Possessive Partner
It was obvious he is a very possessive partner for not allowing her pick her calls. He gave the excuse that she is nursing their baby. Kenneth ended the call concluding Frances is in real trouble and he asked if I share same concern.
The dictionary defines overbearing as unpleasantly overpowering, bossy, arrogant, oppressive and much more. Being possessive on the other hand is defined as ‘demanding someone’s total attention and love”.
Below are few tips on how to identify someone a possessive partner:
- A possessive partner won’t be comfortable seeing you too close or friendly with someone of the opposite sex.
- He/she shows too much interest in knowing what you do per time. This is to be sure you are not cheating on him or her
- A possessive partner is interested in your calls, chats and texts. He/she longs to have full details of it so as to restrict you from engaging with someone of the opposite sex. Your friends that can easily influence your thoughts or actions will be threats to him or her.
- He/she won’t be comfortable with you hanging out with friends believing that they will corrupt ‘you’ or ‘teach you against’ him/her
You need to know that being with an over bearing or possessive partner may likely tamper with your happiness. Your space for self development and self fulfillment may also be affected.
What if you are in relationship with a Possessive Partner?
If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who looks like a possessive partner, you need to take it slow. You to ask yourself some quality questions to make the right decision.
You need to ask yourself if the relationship will not hinder you from becoming the best version of yourself. Please ask and answer if you are ready to put up with this possessiveness for the rest/most of your life.
Are you married to a Possessive Partner?
So what if you are married to someone who is over bearing?
Then I am going to advice that you equip yourself with emotional intelligence, patience and longsuffering (for real) Galatians 5:22-23. This is because you are going to need a whole lot of it if you want that marriage to work.
You also need to put in a whole lot of work. You will have to be a student of your spouse and learn to stay away from what he/she hates and stick to what he/she loves. This is where the love you claim to have to have married him/her will be put to test.
The best definition of love that I have come across is selflessness. So you have to put it to practice here. I am sure you saw the red flag before going ahead to commit to the marriage; you might have turned a blind eye.
However if your spouse’s possessiveness over you comes with physical abuse, I will advise you reach out to a Professional Counselor and get help. You can only stay married when you are alive.
You need to know that an over bearing partner needs help because he/she didn’t just become possessive overnight. Some events or experiences have helped formed who he or she has become.
This could be abuse of the past. It could have been learned unconsciously by watching his or her parents or guardians/mentors/role models lived such life.
In all, any relationship that competes with your happiness, sanity and freedom to access people and resources needed for your growth is an unhealthy one.